Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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