Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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