Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
