So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
