he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
