Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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