I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
