Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
