Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
