she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
