I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
