I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
