I accidentally burped into my bong.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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