spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
