I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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