Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
