lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
