Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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