turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
