We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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