My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she told me i tasted like america
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
