I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
