dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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