i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
