I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
