my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
