Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to stop coming to work sober
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
