she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I smell like Dick and happiness
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