My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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