if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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