Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
