i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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