I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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