I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
