grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
