I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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