I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
