i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
