i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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