I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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