i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
