My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont even know how to be here
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
