The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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