i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize