I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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