he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
