we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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