he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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