if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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