The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
please come you make the beer taste better
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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