Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
