Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
