So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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