If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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