It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
