Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you win again, gameday.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
