Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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