The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
