I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wear drunk well.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
