It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize