You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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