the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
