i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
