"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
