JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
