dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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