I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize