I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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