some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Someone shattered a urinal.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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