My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
